Things can seem tough.  Really tough sometimes.  Life decisions, life choices, and just plain life can seem so overwhelming at times.  And, when things feel like that, we feel alone.  I know I have.  We even feel like we can't tell anyone else because, well, they wouldn't understand or we would be embarrassed or we might feel too ashamed or proud.  Whatever the reasons, we feel that what it is that is really bothering us, what is really bringing us down is our own cross to bear and our own weight to carry.  When I look around and when I talk to people, though, I see and hear a lot of tough situations being fought by others.  A lot.  From sickness, to finances, to relationships, to loss.  We all deal with difficult things throughout our lives.  All of us.  I know in the past I have forgotten that whatever it is I am dealing with, there are others out there who have dealt with it or could relate or just feel for me in whatever given situations I am in.  I think too often we allow ourselves to stand in the way of help for fear that others might not understand, or care, or even love us.  It has not been my experience, though, with anything that has felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders that someone else made me feel worse.  In those times in my life, people have always made me feel better from just listening, from just relating, and from just helping me accept my own decisions and move towards bettering myself because of them.  I just really have thought recently a lot about the baggage we are all carrying around with us or the experiences that we have all gone through and how no matter what, there are people out there who have been through it, are there to help us through it, and others who need our listening ears and open hearts.  It's just how do you know if what you're going through someone else can relate to, help with, or is going through?  I guess the only real answer, as risky as it might be, is to talk about it and see what happens.  I think more so than not, we will be surprised by what we find:  love, support, and opportunities to grow.  This could be me just being optimistic or overly empathetic, but I truly do believe in the human capacity to help one another through life's experience.  It honestly may be the only way.

The world has really changed a lot since I used to seriously blog, say, back when I was in my undergraduate days, or even when I was in high school.  Heck, in high school, there did not even exist blogs.  I created my own.  Too bad I did not invent something like Blogger or Moveable type back then.  I could have really hit it big.  Now, though, there are blogs, wikis, YouTube, and Facebook.  It makes me ask the question:  do people even read blogs anymore?  I mean, blogs about people's lives.  Not, per the usual these days, blogs about the latest Hollywood gossip.  I must admit, I have not read someone's personal blog in quite a while.  I wonder what people are talking about these days?  Do people still write journal entry type blogs, or only short status updates?  It just makes me think that maybe times have changed and this blog is not even relevant anymore.  Maybe I am wrong?  Just questions to think about, more so than any real conclusion about whether or not there is much stock in updating this blog.  But, because I miss it like usual after a few months, I will give it a go at updating about the happenings of my (tragicomic) life.

I finished my first semester of my doctoral program and, boy, does it feel good.  Aside from being under the weather this whole past week, which thankfully I am slowly but surely pulling through, I finished strong.  Like any new endeavor, the beginning is always a test to see how up to the challenge you are.  And this definitely has been a new chapter in my life.  I went from working all the time in a job I loved and being surrounded by friends who I miss dearly to moving to a new place, knowing no one, and going back to school full-time.  Things like establishing new friendships, losing a sense of professional identity, and transition issues became themes in the past six months that I had thought about in preparing for this change, but were harder in certain ways than expected.  I am still working on these areas, but finishing this semester feels like a step in the right direction.

I was watching the Oprah Winfrey Special at the White House tonight (which my best friend who loves her would be so proud!) and really appreciated the honesty that First Lady Michelle showed when answering Oprah's question about President Obama's and her relationship being envied by others.  To paraphrase, Michelle basically said that they are at a great place now, but that to young couples there will be times of great challenge, as there were for them.  It's about working through those times that really matters.  Seeing as how I do not fall into the category of young couples at the moment, but am younger, I took away the message that everyone has to go through challenges to get to a "good" place.  It came across as very honest to admit that whatever envy others may have of their relationship, where they are as a couple now came through making it work.

Right now, I am definitely at a challenging moment in my life, both academically and personally, and through this I can get to a good, even better place.  Isn't that really the goal of why I am doing this, any ways?  I admit this, because, well, when people who I have not talked to or seen in a while ask me how I have been or what I am doing these days, I usually tell them about my education, about my career, and about the good things that are going on, which usually generates a response of encouragement and support.  I mean, that's great, right?  At the same time, though, it only tells some of the story.  Nothing is ever always rainbows and butterflies and this is no different.  I have my challenges, I have my worries, and I have my struggles.  I think we all do.  I think there is a balance in life that with all the good, always comes some bad, or with all the bad, always comes some good.  You can't have just one or the other.  You have to have both.  And, I can be honest and real enough to admit that things are both right now.  Good and bad.  More good, than bad, but both nonetheless.  I think in bad times, you have to look for the good to keep you going, and in good times, you have to be humbled by the bad to keep you in check.

My site really could not be named better for my belief in life, if not in general but just my own.  That life really is tragicomic!

P.S.  As you may notice (or not if you have not been checking back often, which I don't blame you because I rarely update), I had to disable the comments.  Why, you ask?  Well, I had so much spam through my comments that it was ridiculous.  Yet another thing that has changed about blogs--now spammers comment more than real, actual people.  Seriously?  So, if you ever want to comment on something I write, please feel free to drop me an e-mail.  I would most certainly like that!

It has been over three months since my last post.  Seriously?  As you could imagine, I have done a lot in those three months.  I started my doctoral program.  I have read a ton of stuff.  I have talked about even more.  I have taken midterms.  I have begun doing research.  And I have even gotten a program accepted at a national convention.  Exciting stuff school-wise, huh?  Outside of school, I have kept myself busy with work too, everything from training the student judicial board I advise to working on online training modules.  Between the two, school and work, I stay pretty busy, but I have also gotten to visit my friends in North Carolina, march in the National March in Washington, DC, and gone to Atlanta, GA a couple of times.  I am really looking forward to this upcoming weekend when my bestfriend, Chad, comes to visit and we are going to Atlanta Pride.  It should be an exciting time, no doubt.  Since it will be Halloween weekend, as well, we are dressing up as an amazingly cute duo.  I will keep you guessing on what exactly we are going as, but it will be worth the wait.  So, work, school, and personal life have been exceptionally full and I am enjoying that.

There is plenty more to catch you, my one or two readers, up on, but for now I will start getting back into the journaling business one small entry at a time.  I am going to try to get back into the habit of this again, but I make not promises because I think I say I am going to journal more more than I actually journal.  No more saying.  Hopefully, more doing!

And just for fun, because I love me some Gossip Girls...

I was recently reading an article called Demystifying the Dissertation and it mentioned how before you ever start writing, you should have articles cited, outlines made, and pretty much what you are going to write already written.  I never start blogging like that, so I may need to break that habit in the next couple of years before I start the tedious task of producing one of the most important writings of my life.  Wait, did I just overstate the importance of the dissertation or am I being accurate?  According to the author, the dissertation is "the foundation of a scholarly career; a significant criterion in academic hiring; and, for too many, an obstacle to degree completion or the primary factor in attrition."  Regardless of the degree of importance for my own dissertation, I pretty much blog without much planned out and just see where it leads me.  I think in writing this is called a stream of consciousness.  That pretty much defines my writing here.  So, in thinking ahead, I am going to plan on hitting the following topics in this entry:  dating, public health care, payday, new domain, and, just for fun, the random topics of Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Legally Blonde 1 and 2.  Since I have a lot of cover and not much motivation to sit here for that long, I will try to be brief.

Since moving, I have gone on several dates--some several dates, some one date, and some not sure what to make of it?  Either way, I have not had a lack of dating since moving, but I do feel off my game in many ways.  I think without having a close group of friends like I did before I moved, I lack the dialogue that only friends can have about dates.  You know, the conversations that help you make sense of what just happened, what your feelings really mean, and whether or not the guy is even worth a second date.  As a result, I am kind of sitting here this evening feeling rather perplexed about what I really think, what I really feel, and what I should do to move forward.  Maybe refocusing on forming solid, meaningful friendships should be the goal here so that the next date I go on, I will have people to bounce ideas off of and make sure I am not making bad judgments?  I mean, I still do have all the friends I had before, but catching up with them has been difficult (the blame going both ways) and it just is not the same as hanging out and having girl talk over a couple glasses of wine.  As much as dating would be nice, I really miss the support of my friends the most, so perhaps I really should refocus my energy and start interviewing for friends.  I have met a lot of people whether through work or through other people, but other than a couple people nothing that has really stuck as friendships.

Outside of dating and friends, I also have had the difficult task of getting my health insurance and care established in a new state and with a new provider.  As a result of now being a poor doctoral student, I actually qualified for a government assistance program to help offset the costs of a health insurance continuation program.  Pretty nifty, huh?  Well, in theory.  For the past two years, I have really been blessed to have easy to afford, easy to access, and easy to understand health insurance through my employer.  I guess I took this for granted, because getting enrolled in this government program, making sure I had all of the paperwork, and getting all of the blood work and examinations done has been difficult and time consuming.  I am still unsure if this is all going to work out, but am staying hopeful that it does because in the long run this would really be the best option for my health.  As much of a supporter I am of us moving towards a better health care system that insures everyone, it is really discerning to see how difficult a public versus a private health care system has been for me.  Now, this may get easier in time and once I figure out all of the hoops of this new system it may even be better, but right now I am very disappointed and disheartened that getting set up and access to this form of health insurance is as hard as it is.  Did I mention all of the paperwork?  So many trees died as a result.

Not only is my salary as a doctoral student low enough to qualify me for a health insurance assistance program, it also has been two months since I got paid.  I remember the advice of Suze Orman from The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke that suggested having a six month security fund saved up in case of times without a job or, for me, in between one job and the other.  As you can probably imagine, I had no such security fund and these past two months have been the most expensive months with vacations, living with friends and family, and moving.  The latter, moving, cost me a lot more than expected--everything from the U-Haul and boxes to furniture and parking fees.  Payday just could not come soon enough.  And, thankfully, payday was Friday.  Sadly, though, my first paycheck was not a full paycheck and it came in the form of an actual check, not direct deposit.  It has been a while since I had to actually visit the bank, deposit a check, and wait for it to clear.  I did this Friday afternoon and am still waiting for it to clear.  I have bills to pays and wish that this would clear so I could do that.  You know, there just really are some things you cannot plan for and this was one of those.  In this instance, I really am reminded of why I love technological advances that have made direct deposit possible and speed up the process of exchanging money.  Because, right now, I needed a deposit into my account like a month ago!

To lighten the mood a little from discussing dating, friendships, health insurance, and needing to get paid, I want to mention a couple shows I just started randomly watching the past couple of days.  One, is Jon and Kate Plus 8.  I had heard about this show and the drama of the couple separating some time ago, but I had never really watched the show except maybe half an episode here and there.  I sat and watched a couple episodes this weekend and was shocked by how much I became invested in their lives so quickly.  What is it about reality television that just draws us in?  And, I do not even have a lot of life experience to connect me to either Jon or Kate, but yet I sit completely interested in their lives.  I don't have children.  I am not married.  And yet, I want the best for them and their kids and secretly wish they could make their marriage work.  Who am I?  If I had seen more episodes, I probably would have even cried during the episode I saw of them deciding to get a devoice.  Maybe I am just at a vulnerable place right now, but I oddly felt for Jon, Kate, and the 8.  Then, I switched channels over to watching Legally Blonde 1 and 2 and the new Legally Blondes movie.  It made me laugh, giggle, and happy.  Thank goodness for the world being right again!

In other news, I now own www.tragicomic.net.  How exciting is that?  So, if you type in either .org or .net you will make it to my site.  When I first purchased Tragicomic back in the day, it was .net but during graduate school a few years ago, I decided to let my domain registration lapse, and thought I would stop blogging all together.  Then, after just a few months, I missed blogging and wanted the domain back, only to find that it had been purchased by someone else.  How dare they, right?  I was disheartened, but I quickly bought the .org version that was available and settled for that.  Well, I was in luck this month, and noticed that the old owner of the .net version had not renewed the domain and so after a few weeks of following the domain, I was able to purchase it again.  Now, if only I could get the .com version I would really be in luck.  For now, I am happy knowing that I own both versions and it is even easier to reach me.  So, if you have not already, bookmark me and keep in touch!